As I walked into work today, my mind was racing with thoughts of “I just need one more day,” “I’m so tired,” or “I wish I could just stay home and work.” All valid feelings going back to work after a holiday. But those thoughts began to unnecessarily consume me. I walked into my classroom and began to mentally prepare myself for the 21 six and seven year old students that would be rushing to their seats in 30 minutes time, ready to greet me and tell me whatever was on their developing minds. I felt overwhelmed. I don’t like feeling overwhelmed.
So I prayed.
I prayed for calmness. I prayed for clarity. And I prayed for a sign that regardless of what my day or week is going to look like.
Everything was going to be okay.
Tears fell. Deep breathing begun. And more tears fell.
But the sense of sadness was nowhere near me. It was more of…a release. A reminder to just take life moments at a time.
I have a difficult time doing that. Because the way my life is set up (lol), moments come at me simultaneously. Sometimes it’s difficult to decipher which moment needs my attention right away.
But in this moment. It was a moment.
I prayed out loud in my classroom. I took advantage of the quiet and stillness of everything. The only audible sound was the heat quietly passing through the vents to warm up the building. However, in that moment, it felt like a hug. I know that sounds cringey or corny lol, but it did. The sound and the warmth helped to calm me. It helped me to remember that I can’t control what’s ahead. I can’t predict the outcome of anything. As much as I would like to, I just can’t. And honestly I don’t want to. I’ve had so many moments in my life where I thought I wanted something to happen and then if it did, it wasn’t what I expected or hoped for. So why try?
I took advantage of feeling my presence in the present. Some days it’s really hard to do that.
So I’ll take those reminders as many times as needed to center me. Place perspective in my path. And to feel who I am in that moment. I will surrender to the things that are divinely for me.
I didn’t want the thoughts to win today.
Is this a part of my learning and healing journey? Absolutely.
Will I need to take more moments to center and regain perspective? Of course.
This morning was a start.
And we all have to start somewhere.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find eternity in each moment.” -Henry David Thoreau